My punishment for my meanness is eternal fattitude.

This weekend, I got a treat while riding the W late at night back to B-hurst: the clashing of religious radicals. A crazy-bearded man was passing out xeroxes pregnant with Bible quotations (so pregnant I couldn't read any of it--plus I just get sick of people who write badly, I can't read your stuff if you don't have a good editor, man. PS: this was also my problem with the Bible itself.) He was gettin' up in people's faces about how they were going to rot in Hell, and how Catholicism was bad, etc. And then...he came upon... THE HASSIDIC MAN IN OUR CAR. And that's not the end of it--they began arging loudly about religion, shooting Bible quotations at each other like silver bullets, RIGHT IN FRONT OF a small group of stereotypical Brooklyn guidos (a man and two young teenagers). The two men of religion continued arguing (the hassidic man was pretty dorky, and the other guy was just loud and crazy, so the argument was amazing) until the Guido Man yelled out "SHUT UP! YOU'RE STRESSIN ME OUT!!" And then one of his teenage traveling companions punctuated the statement with "BA-DA-BING!!" (we could tell that this would be the young teenager's "thing" for the next 2 years or so. Because he kept yelling out "BA-DA-BING!!!" every so often throughout the entire rest of the subway ride. Note: the first BA-DA-BING made the ride amazing, however, the subsequent BA-DA-BINGs only served to make the ride even more drawn out and excruciating than usual).

Also there was an extremely portly black fellow on the ride with us, who kept butting into the guidos' conversation about the professional wrestling match that they were returning from, with some nonsensical remarks that were impeded by his huge amount of cheek fat. I kept waiting for the guidos to call him some derogatory term, and then for him to body slam them. Also he had a hole in the crotch of his pants, and I kept waiting for a large fatty ball to pop through it. he was so adorable, though!

Have you ever seen a pigeon ride the subway? Take the F train in Brooklyn. They remind me of Ambrose, friend of Mr. Lunch.

I got a sewing book yesterday, and would like someone to answer me this: why are most clothing patterns in sewing books and sold separately in like Joanne's fabrics so freaking dated and ugly? I do not want to wear a tent, or something with such godawfully loud fabric that I can't even begin to see the real lines of the dress underneath it all. I think my plans for clothing are too grandiose for my sewing skill level. (Also, my plans for word use are too grandeose for my spelling skill level.)

Monsa: Macauly Culkin's lips scare me a little, too. I have not found any of Culkins attractive after, say, age 8; however, my boyfriend is in love with Keiran Culkin, so I guess there are naysayers. I think perhaps their charisma outshines their outward appearances, which makes me like them more. (But note, Macauly acts a little retarded during interviews. That's not PC, but he moves around a lot and it is disturbing like subtle brain damage.)

Erika: If you are reading this, I have not forgotten you, and will be writing to you soon. <3

You're such a liar!!! You didn't know about the hole in the fat black man's pants until I told you of it later on our walk home!!!!!

Also, you're confused about what the Hasidic guy and the other guy were arguing about.. They weren't really arguing, persay. The guy with a white beard was something similar to a Jew for Jesus, who had taken it upon himself to tell other people to follow ONLY the Old Testament, and not to follow it as rabbis and priests would interpret it. When he came up to the Hasidic guy, he said "I'd give you one, but it's Christian." The hasidic guy responded with "Oh, but why then are you wearing Tsitsus?" (those strings hanging from under the man-with-a-beard's shirt, if you noticed... they're a Jewish thing to wear.) That's what launched that bearded guy into this whole thing about about how he interprets things his own way and how this is said, but then this is really what it should be (or something like that). The Hasidic guy kind of just said quietly "I don't understand" and "but what about this", and the bearded guy just kept going off. And in actuality, that guy was as cool as a male Hasidic guy could get!! You should retract your dorky sentiments!!