I think that I have cameltoe today, but I am too afraid to look!
Wednesday was my BIRFDAY, which made it an unfun birthday. I won't even mention the company layoffs that occurred on Tuesday, and how that furthered the unfunness and general shittiness of recent times. The nicest part of my birthday was receiving a SEWING MACHINE from my loving parents. I foresee bunches of pillows and square bags and various sack-like objects in my immediate future. (Today I was thinking about the mini-"Cabbage Patch Kids" that my sister and I used to make when we were little. We made them out of pantyhose. USED PANTYHOSES, IN MANY CASES. We painted faces and put hair on them and outfitted them and in many cases, they were very ugly. So far, I've used the phrase 'in many cases' twice in a row. This would be a no-no, were this a formal document.)
This weekend I shall wine and dine with a lovely lady who is formerly of NYC (but who is visiting for the week), attend a Borfday party for another friend that should be interesting, and eat my own Barfday dinner with my family and Misha. EXCITING!!!!!! We are eating at that vegan place tonite that doesn't have salt, sugar, or coffee. Hence, we are stopping at McDonald's beforehand to pick up salt, sugar, and KETCHUP. Also maybe mustard, which they didn't have either. NOTE: it's always polite manners to smear ketchup on a chef's lovingly prepared and expensive dinner special. PS: once Misha spotted Jared Leto at this restaurant. I just realized the somewhat short, yet strikingly handsome man that I knew that I recognized while standing in line at Motherfucker was Jared Leto. THIS IS A REVELATION. I can die pure, now.
I've decided that I'm going to refer to the time that I spend watching tv as my "social studies" time. I feel this is accurate, as I need to watch tv in order to interact with my peers, yet it covers up my inherent laziness. I shall refer to my potato chip-engorgement period as my "Fuel Up", like if I were a three year old child who loves rocket ships.
I spent yesterday at a day-long cheerleading meeting for my company. As they discussed marketing strategies and such, all I could think was "DANG our investor has some CRAZY EYES!!! I don't trust him!!" They were scoogily eyes, as Krissy's friend called them. He had a smile like in that video for Black Hole Sun!!!! IMAGINE THAT!!!
Also, imagine me naked!! HOTSTUFF!!!