i made it, in my mind

I keep getting filled with an overwhelming sense of ennui, and it's even more depressing to think that it is most likely because of hormonal influence. People point out my pms in an attempt to soothe my depression, but strangely, it only makes it feel worse to know my emotions are meaningless. I have an overwhelming sense of atmosphere as linked to emotion, and on Sunday when it was all grey and I was taking the train back to Red Bank, I listened to the Pet Shop Boys "West End Girls" and it made me want to cry over years of missed opportunities.

it's all right, it's funny, you can laugh at me.

I spent last Friday being stabbed in the boob all day with underwire. I had forgotten the fact that price truly reflects quality, at least in the case of supportive underwear. now i remember. later i went for dinner and drinks with misha and a friend of misha's, and it was a lot of fun, but wouldn't you know, she's moving to north carolina in a few weeks (more ennui). we went to a cocktail lounge that was all dark and russiany. (i associate russia with like seedy, evil sumptuousness and mystery. haha that sounds insulting. but i think in cartoons i used to watch, there were a lot of rich russian villains. i can't really remember.) the next day i bought shoes and ate cold borscht, the best of borschts.

I still live in a crappy hotel with my parents. I cannot begin to describe what this does to a person's mental well-being, but its not good, and this has lasted far too long. however, there are several circumstances which keep me from doing much about it. number one being I'M LAMER THAN ANYONE CAN EVEN IMAGINE.

at least i've finally mastered the art of browshaping. but only if you like eyebrows like lines of india ink! (that was some simile i read in a book once a long time ago, i've remembered it always and it made me want to have old-fashioned skinny brows. A DREAM REALIZED!!! ON MY FACE!!!) my hair needs a cuttin, but i don't think i can handle cutting it myself again.

i have an idea for a story that starts out in the Bret Easton Ellis 80's but then ends up with aliens and in outerspace.

my cat continues to be a fluffbeast.

there are parts of the internet that make me want to die horribly, yet i continue reading them. its like looking at a severe car wreck. that was an uncreative simile.

i wonder what there is out there that could satisfy me.

PS: i hate Snickers.

PPS: why is a candy bar named after evil laughter?