i had written a paragraph this morning about makeoutclub and decided not to put it in this journal. it was about being in indie hotspots in nyc and hearing people talk about makeoutclub. While at Kim's on St. Marks, I heard an employee talk about both supercult AND makeoutclub at once!! apparently the girl on supercult from nyc has had a secret crush on him for, like, ever!!!!!!! he was a tard, and by proxy, made me feel like one as well. i hope he doesnt find this diary, because finding mean things that people have said about you on the internet is not a very pleasant thing.

I used to feel attracted to the INternet because it is glitzier and more glamourous than real life. This sounds stupid but it really is more colorful and arty, and a whole day can be condensed into one little snippet that sounds fantastic. I think people keep online journals in a secret desire to make other people jealous. That was probably somewhere in the back of my head when i started writing, but it really is hilarious to think about. ACtually lots of times I try to write about pathetic things or things that people wouldn't admit to, because that is what I like to read from other people sometimes. Real actual human warmth shining through. If I am to ever write my G.A.N., I must remember to include characters' patheticness described with real tender humanity. (the critics love it)

My cat wandered into the boxsprings of my bed last night as I lay awaiting The Great Wide Open. ( that a euphemism for death rather than sleep?) I was afraid of inadvertently stabbing her so I rescued her. She wanted to go back in. I have told this story to too many people today to even begin an interesting retelling of it here. I am becoming a middle-aged woman. I CERTAINLY LoOK LIKE ONE TODAY. i've never had a sinus infection before but it is making me appear more homely than usual.

It struck me today, the uselessness of everything.