I rub the day's mail all over my cat each evening in the hopes that she will somehow contract anthrax. I then plan to nurse her back to health in order to receive love and attention. Then I can seek treatment for Munchousen-by-proxy disease, my most favorite of all diseases, and exercise my health benefits a little bit more. Ever since I got good health coverage, I love to go to the doctor for anything. Just for a tune-up! (I think that to myself.) So far, I have seen at least 6 doctors for symptoms ranging from stomacheache to earwax buildup to crippling good looks. (DIdn't you expect me to stick a dumb joke in there?) Now it is time to see the doctor for psychotics!!!!
Are you there God? It's me, Cathy.
The other night, I went with Jen, Angie, and the Jen/Angie mom to the Jen/Angie uncle's house. He went to Costa Rica the next day. They gave him a Bible to read real quick if the plane decided to go down. Jen even pointed out appropriate passages. Then we went to Barnes and Nobles. Sometimes Jen and I just go there to read magazines and travel books. I was drawn into purchasing that book where they make fruit into animals. (The fruit-animals have such expressive little faces!!! That book makes me want to carve pumpkins.) I also purchased a novel by Michael Ondaatje and two magazines, one of which was Jane, which sucks, because I hate Jane Pratt. (A sidenote in the mythology of me--i was in the audience of the short-lived Jane-Pratt-hosted talk show, "Jane". I went with my school, in 8th grade. The topic of the show for that day was rather racy, something about gay men seducing straight women. I do not remember. Jane wouldn't call on any of us, even if we had sassy comments, because we were too young-looking. I had my period that day and it had leaked over the back of my skirt, so I had to sit on my jean's jacket the whole time in order not to get it on the chair. I was nervous the whole time cause I thought they would tell me to not sit on it!! In retrospect, I bet Jane Pratt would have been Sassily understanding of the situation. After all she is pro-girl and girl-things!!! It was a day to remember.) Anyway at one point in the bookstore I hear the lost little voice of Jen. "Mom?...Angie?....Cathy?..." This is funny to few but me because Jen calls me Cathy because she knows I hate it. I hate that name, sorry!!! Sometimes she slips and uses that name even when she is not teasing me. ANYWAY I MEANT TO TELL YOU THAT IT WAS CUTE. That is my point.
If I had it to do all over again, I would name my cat Puffinsnuffs the HeffyHuffy Puffmonger of Miss Fluffykins the Third. If I had a pug dog, I would name it Snortleby the Scribner.
I saw the most amazing theatrical presentation ever last Sunday with Mikhail. It was called "Puppetry of the Penis"!!!!! And amazingly enough, it was exactly what it sounds like. Two crazy naked Australian men on stage, bending their genitals into all sorts of things. Like rollerskates, hamburgers, bat heads, and windsurfing sails. For some reason, I wasn't weirded out about it before I went, but now that I look back on it, I just feel stranger and stranger about it. It was like being a voyeur, seeing what people do to themselves when others aren't around. And how did they find each other!!! "I simply LOOOOOOOVE to bend my winky into all sorts of shapes!!!!" "Shit man, really? ME TOOOO!!!!!" They sold a textbook at the show about how to do the shapes. I wish I had bought it. Unfortunately it would have been useless for me and an awful Christmas present for my dad!!!!
One of the best parts about it was that I sat next to this older, distinguished looking man who had a pad of paper and pen in one hand, and a glass of red wine in the other. He looked like a hoity-toity theater critic for the Village Voice. I imagine he liked the naked boys muchly!! I made up little stories about him in my head, about his favorite restaurant and stuff. He did not quite rank up there with the man that Mike and I saw on the subway, who we determined was an intellectual. Or maybe a scientist. He had crazy Einstein hair, glasses, and a long black coat. He was reading some sort of high-brow French literature and looked about the subway car with disdain. He could have been a professor or a sociopath. I liked him instantly.
I was reading this summary of an episode of the Real World 10 (I do not watch the show but I am nosey, I like to know what is going on with everything), and there was this part that I really liked. It was a conversation between Rachel and her Mahm:
"Are you eating well?"
"Are you eating the rights kinds of things? Fruits, Vegetables, the blood of male virgins?"
"Are you still a chipmunk-faced giantess of a woman-child with a voice like that of a Sesame Street character?"
"Most definitely, Mahmmy."
The last exchange. It is funny! It keeps repeating in my mind.
I have a hankering for some sodiepop, so I am going to go find some.
This page needs more pictures of Lemmy!!!!