Oh. God. This is really awful.

FINE. I will update my online-diary.

(That is how I like to end every argument. Using the word "FINE" with malicious intent. Like a weapon! I furrow my brow and look mean, and I'll be damned if that person doesn't know that things are, indeed, not "FINE" at all.)

I don't know what that was about.

I almost updated last Friday, but all I could think of to write about was how I was hallucinating that the water I was drinking was really milk. It tasted like milk and had that milky mouthfeel. Unless they have put cows on tap, though, it had to be water.

Wait! Cows are already on tap. UDDERS. That is pretty cool.

Anyway it has been about a month since I wrote anything. I never never meant for this to go on that long!! However stuff has been happening and stuff. I've moved for the time being to a small lofty-hotel-room thing with my parents. My dad had quadruple bypass surgery. Work is eating me alive. IT'S A DOG'S LIFE, FOLKS.

(It always really annoys me when I go back and read my own entries and I have used the word "FOLKS" or "FOLKZ" in an entry. In fact, recently I went through and read them all and only two things made me laugh, something about stabbing forks into my delicious meal and then something about WHY WAS I BORN SO FOINE. Those must be keepers. I will keeep them carefully in my mind.)

Um. Anything of substance? I went to a Halloween party a week or so ago but did not dress up. This officially makes me a jackass, I think. I considered telling people that I was dressed as a Jehovah's Witness (BECAUSE THEY DON'T CELEBRATE THE PAGAN HOLIDAY OF HALLOWEEEN, OR MOTHER'S DAY [but they do celebrate father's day]), but then I decided a JW would not be wearing fishnets or be intoxicated as I was. If someone had asked me what I was, I had prepared a snotty comeback to kill them with!!!! I would have said "I CAME DRESSED AS THE IDIOT WHO DIDN'T DRESS UP!" That is so clever of me. Anyway nobody asked me but then someone told me I was dressed as an emo girl, and i grew more offended at each passing breath. Oh freakin-A, now I am just typing things that sound good and they don't even make any sense.

Recently, I saw the movie Bones. It was pure Bones-tastic. I will see Monster's Inc. soon. I fear saccarine movies. Harry Potter apparently will not be all saccariney. I want to see it but will probably have to wait a while before the ocean of small children going to see it becomes more of a tide pool. where i can play with starfish and watch the movie. What? I don't know.

on saturday i went to the Monmouth Mall (incidentally the setting of Kevin Smith's Mallrats), where i proceeded to become enveloped in some sort of shopping frenzy. i do not know what happened although i remember becoming awfully sweaty and thirsty. i came to 3 hours later when i found myself bargaining with a clerk at Aldo's over a purse. (it's strap was damaged so she took about $20 off after I stood in front of her sweating and babbling about "I LIKE PURSE BUT PURSE IS NO GOOD? PURSE IS NO PURE NO MORE? I WOULD LIKE A BETTER PURSE. FIX THE PURSE? GIVE ME MONEY?" At least I believe that is what I kept reiterating.) Anyway it was a Saturday well spent.

My god. my life is so boring. I am staying late at work just to hear the sweet, sweet voices of humanity. OH LAWD.

I will end this entry with a traumatizing conversation that occurred after Padraig bent over in front of the tv and ripped the butt-seam of his pants.

"ERIKA did you see my underpants???"

"Hee hee hee. Yes."

"Well, Erika, I'm not wearing any underpants. YOU SAW INSIDE OF ME!!!"

Also traumatizing was when Paddy would say his nipples looked like grapes.