Tonight I went to Barnes and Nobles with Jenjavitis to pick up dumb tourist manuals for our impending trip to Boston. I use the term dumb with affection, I am crazy for tourist crap. I think its very bizarre how places pick out what they believe is their best or most marketable asset and pour money into advertising and souvenirs for this particular thing. What made me happy is that Jen said that Boston markets Make Way For Ducklings to pieces, so that you can get like mugs, pictures, life-size replicas, and fashion items based upon that lovable tale. We are both dying to ride the swan boats. Dying! I thought I was dying on the ride home from work today. It was somewhat frightening. I felt all faint for no reason and my mind grew fuzzy. I was picking at half a pastrami sandwich that I had left in the company fridge since yesterday, and for a while I was convinced someone had poisoned it. Who would try to poison little old me???? PERHAPS THOSE WHO THOUGHT I KNEW TOO MUCH. Anyway, I'm not dead. Did you hear a while ago about that grandmother who was stabbed in the back of the neck by someone running by, and she went to the grocery store with the handle all visibly sticking out of her neck, and walked all the way home before anyone said anything to her about the knife? THat was really freaky!! SHe is alive.
Something else that is really freaky is what I saw on the way to Barnes and Nobles. Do you remember that movie from a while ago that was about high school football and hazing and stuff, called like "The Program"? And how they had all those copycat things after the movie came out of the most famous scene in the movie, where the players were forced to lie parallel to the double yellow lines in the middle of the highway at night as cars sped past? Well there was one STUPID set of copycatters who DID NOT UNDERSTAND that cars PROBABLY won't hit you if you are lying PARALLEL to the yellow line, and they layed PERPENDICULAR to the double yellow line, and their heads were promptly smooshed under trucks. I remember thinking "DAG I have never HEARD of such dumbies before!!!" And wonder of wonders, drivin' to B&N tonight, what do I see but two stupid preteen youths LYING PERPENDICULAR TO THE YELLOW LINE in the middle of the road!!! and a really scared looking girl on the sidewalk yelling at them. Jen ran over their legs!! HAHAH JUST JOSHING YA!!!!!! Jen easily avoided them, but gave them a stern reprimand as she drove past. "STUPID!!!!" is what she yelled.
THat reminds me. Let me take a moment to talk about my father and road rage. My dad has become a pretty calm guy as the years have worn on, but just like everyone in NJ, sometimes the other drivers on the road just upset him to pieces. Enough to make him yell out the window at them. But instead of yelling some really good dirty curses at them, like I know he knows and uses in other situations, he gets so angry that he yells the cutest things. Like there was this girl in an SUV a couple months ago that cut him off and was driving all crazy, and we get up to her at a stoplight and like his veins are popping out he's so upset, and he yells "Y-YOU JERK!!!!!" and that is all. And a while ago as well, there was something else where he yelled at a driver (I forget why) and he was all "DUMBASS!!!" It is like PAdraig's dad using the word "dickwad" recently and making Padraig cringe and giggle. Or little banjo-playing Brett, a summer pal from years past who resembled a Dame Darcy drawing, shaking his fist at some rowdy youths and yelling "JERKY!" in order to frighten them off from us. Was this set of tales amusing? I DO HOPE SO!!!
I have to clean my room some more now so Mike does not choke on dust and die. Or have an episode where he thinks he will die. Then I would have to dispose of his dead or half-dead body and frankly, I just do not know where I would put it. What with all the people moving to this county, there are almost no open spaces where I could dump a body and it would go undetected. I suppose a Salvation Army donation box is an option, but that might be sort of mean to the unsuspecting employee who opens up the bag.
AT ANY RATE. I got these miniscule moles removed from my face that it turns out no one really noticed anyway, and now I think I am going to have big rivety scars in their stead once everything heals up. Big rivety noticable scars. THat'll fucking teach me. I dont know what, but life is certainly a good teacher.