There is spinach dip chilling in the fridge, and a candle tupperware party with Jehovah's Witnesses to attend tonight.

I always thought Reuben's ideal of being a social chameleon was right on target, i.e. being the sort of person who could fit in, relax, and party with any type of person. But getting trashed at an EMOtional concert friday night and then attending a JW candle party on Saturday is a pretty fuckin bizarre way to spend a weekend. Cool, I love bizarre.

I managed to raise my self-esteem a bit this week when I was thinking how I tend to make people feel uncomfortable talking to them, and I used to feel down on myself for being so shy, but then I realized it's because most people manage to bore me. I really don't have any attention span to speak of, and if you're going to complain about your ex-husband who goes into alcoholic rages yet you refuse to move out of the house you are sharing with him, then you can just shut your piehole and manga on my fist!!!! (I threw a little Italian in there to seem cultured.)

I saw a really funny band, EXCELSIOR, open for the show last night. The lead singer had chops, I nicknamed him Chops rather cleverly!!! They attempted to rock, but the audience of emo kids held their ears. It is fun to sit up in the balcony and watch the audience. I recommend it. Apparently it is not cool anymore to like Rainer Maria. Youth culture is so fickle. Karate made my heart bleed. MY sister touched Geoff Farina's arm, and he smiled like a nice man. He was very awkward looking and unassuming, a lot taller than I expected. I like seeing awkward unfashionable people playing music that everyone loves. I love awkwardness.

I keep getting heartburn lately. I feel like a fogey. Lots of people I know are getting back problems. I call them up and tell them "MY DOG IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME PROBLEMS AS YOU!!! YOU GUYS SHOULD TALK IT OVER!!!" And I make them tea, and they come over and drink tea with cups and saucers and the doggy barks about its pain!! It is a wonderous occasion of emotion and sensitivity.

I have started planning out a children's book. This is what I planned to do with my life a few years ago, but then I talked to an illustrator on what was probably a really bad day, and he groaned and snapped about childrens books making no money, and you get no respect, and hardly anybody ever reads or remembers them anyway. He totally scared me!!!! It was an artist's nightmare. I went back and told my counselor, Lloyd, about my experience. He was supposed to be encouraging me with art. He is a jazz musician, who liked to talk to me about his crushes on his sexy students. Lloyd told me he couldn't see me writing children's books anyway, that I seemed more geared for writing adult books. THere was a pause in the conversation. "Isn't it weird the connotations that the word adult has?" Though I think he did mean ADULT books. You know. I could totally see myself huddled at a dirty desk in a dingy apartment, drawing cartoons of ladies with humungous naked breasts and giggling licensciously. (I assure you, I was an English major at a fairly prestigeous liberal arts school not too long ago. Despite my spelling.) ANyway, I want to make illustrated books for kids, or actually more for adults cause then I can be subtle and make good jokes and stuff. I am planning one about the PRAIRIE being taken over by a Disney-type company. It is fun, and will feature men dressed up in huge tick costumes as an attraction. It will be smart and intelligent, and full of life. I will not make any money with it. Million dollar NYC condo, goodbye.

Anyway, I had better go refresh my nasty skin. I need like a 15 minute nap before I am prepared to be niced-out by all the lovely JW's. Now begins a new era in the life of Kate. HOORAY TO THE MAX!!!

PS: I felt a euphoric awe at the show on Friday, brought on by whiskey and music. I felt at peace with the world, and suddenly it all made sense. I do not feel that way at this point. It is not a nice feeling, to realize you were gullible enough to be used. I can totally see myself becoming an alcoholic. Then I will kill enough brain cells so I don;t have to think all this self-pitying garbage!! NONE OF YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT MY PAIN ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Personal burdens. Bite me.