they call me good and plenty...about my DIARY ENTRIES hahahahhaa FUNNEEEE

I applied self-tanner lotion and am waiting for it to do something. This is mildly vain of me, but I sincerely desire to look more P.R. (PUERTO RICAN, DUDICALS) and I believe this is a safe option. It smells like flowers, or death by girl. ugh. i think it may be enflaming my legs, which is a pretty good summer look, I think.

On Friday I crocheted a baby kiwi bird and stuffed it full of love. I plan to make an army of silly, silly crocheted kiwi birds, which I will toss from a plane to rain happiness down on poor small children in third world countries. THey can unravel the birds, and their mother's can use the yarn to knit a friggin BRA for their naked selves, the sluts.

Also on Friday I voyaged to Atlantic City with everyone's pal JAMES and his pal TIM. It was a non-stop party, especially the trip to the ghetto A.C. liquor store, where I was afraid for my friends' lives. Who would kill a young blonde girl? Not anyone with a true heart!!!!! Who would kill two young punk boys? EVERYONE AND ME!!!! I won $13 at slot machines. I like gambling because good paying slot machines are called "loose slots". heeeheeeheheehe. I dislike gambling because it can turn a good man rotten. There were scary people yelling things out for luck, and attacking those who dared touch "their" machine. I enjoyed the glitz and glamor immensely. Then, after obsessively gambling away all of his money and winnings, Tim wormed his way into my tiny frigid heart by his ponderous comment "You know, gambling really should be illegal EVERYWHERE." Wise words, my friend. Later that night was fabulous party. I refuse to comment more for fear of my dad's poor old heart. Suffise to say it involved Olde English, gradual nakedness, and a paper bathmat. I think I have said too much. I really need more naked male pals. NO DAD NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yesterday i blobbed around a lot. I was reminded of Lis' constant phrase "I came back and just collapsed". This is probably silly to no one but me. She also asked a lot "what are your plans for this weekend?" which delighted and annoyed me simultaneously. And you know what?? HER MOM COOKS IN A DUTCH OVEN!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA. Oh lord, I am reverting to the mindstate of a 13 year old boy. Lis is a friend from college. She works at a law firm, where her big job for a while was sorting bottles for a patent trial. SHE THORTS GLASS FOR A LIVING!!!!!!!! HAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA Hands down, the best tard joke EVER.*

I can't decide if I like the comic "100 Bullets" yet. It is film noir, to READ.

I refuse to go back to work on Tuesday. I think I am going to become a personal trainer. That sounds fun.

I really miss Anfernee, my online pal. I am sort of scared, too, no joke. WHERE ARE YOU????!!!!!!

*I really have no hostility or mean-spirited feelings towards the mentally disabled, despite the two times already in this diary I have made "tard" jokes. I am just pretty awful.