This isn't as good as stuff I used to write

It's really hot in here, so I'm sitting at the computer naked. I put this in my diary to shock you. I do not expect immediate woodies upon reading that first sentence, but I just thought you should know.

Today I took off work to see the vag doctor. It was a weird experience, and slimy, but now I am on the Pill. Is "the Pill" a slang term? I wrote it on my sheet when they asked what the visit was for. I wrote "to get on the Pill" and immediately after I wrote it, I felt dumb sounding and uneducated. I should have put something like "birth control" or "oral contraceptives", but I put "the Pill" as if I didn't feel comfortable discussing these matters. AND OBVIOUSLY I DO, if I write about it online in this dumb diary. Or maybe I don't! I dunno. But I felt uncool at any rate.

I also had this thing that I didn't know whether to shave or not! You know what I mean by "shave". (God, I really hope a certain person doesn't find this diary.) Yeah so, I didn't know, because if I shave I would feel all exhibitionist or something, and the people would be like "whoa, that is more than I needed to see." It is almost too much, like I shaved especially for the appointment, cause it was a special occasion or something!! But then if I didn't shave, they might be scared of that too. So I decided not to shave, but now I am scared because the nurse in the room with the doctor and me was like my age, and what if I see her when I'm out, and she's all, "look honey, there's that girl with the ape crotch that I was talking about." UGHHH!!!! These are serious matters.

I went for lunch with my mother, then did around the house stuff and watched daytime tv like a good lump. I meant to write some poerty, but making my mind do something like think deeply is like trying to break a wild horse. IMPOSSIBLE!! I also want to paint, but am intimidated.

The Weird NJ thing yesterday was fun, except for 12 year old girls persistantly poking us in the butt. The men who run Weird NJ are portly and jovial. I wanted to go drink a pint with them. THe audience was filled with those dumb people who make really really dumb comments really loudly for everyone to hear. LIke not even funny or mean comments, just stupid stupid ones, that they don't realize are stupid. Like if someone mentions the Rocky Horror Picture show, they would get all excited and start reciting parts of the movie to you or sing songs or something. Or Monty Python and the HOly Grail. Ugh. it's like, i like that movie, but not when you try to fucking act it all out in front of me. You're dumb looking, and I hate you. anyway, it was fun until Jen started to be mean to me about not being able to drive. I understand how childish it is of me not having a license, but I am never a burden on her!! I never ask her to drive me places. But she snapped at me and made me feel like a kicked dog. And because I'm a human, I couldb't even lick my crotch for comfort!! It was a nightmare of wounded feelings. I was also unamused by Lisa's constant racial and homophobic slurs. I am not kidding. She yelled "weirdos" at some hippy kids in the park. Like a fricken townie. I dunno. THere is no right or wrong. THey can act anyway they want to, but...


I am going to a wedding in june!!! it is an exciting time. I like weddings, cause then i can party and feel good that it isn't me in that constricting wedding gown and ring! I will bring a date, he will be a hobo from the train station. I will pay him to be my escort with bottles of Mad Dog 20/20. The Strawberry-Banana flavor. WOOOOO-WEEEEE!

That is all. Tomorrow is Friday, and pool night!

as much as i like james and anfernee, i need more readers.