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My morning coffee-place friend has disappeared from the morning coffee-place. Please help me find him. He is a tallish and plump dark-haired man in his late 30's, with glasses and a slight beard. He comes into the coffee-place each morning and, in addition to his morning coffee, he orders a bagel with lots of cream cheese. And in addition to his bagel, he orders a large slice of cheesecake (usually something fancy like Black Forest Cheesecake). At 9:00 AM. Every morning. However, he has not been there in the last week for me to gawk at his indulgent morning food routine!!! I am certain that he is lying in a gutter somewhere, tossing feverishly, as his arteries slowly solidify with fat, while he clutches at the air desperately and begs for fattycakes!!!!! I miss being able to observe him. Something you may not know about me is that I am a horrible gossip. Not that I tell anyone the gossip I receive (except maybe my cat, who is equally interested in knowing gossip) or believe everything that I hear, but I must know what is going on in everyone's life. I justify it by telling myself that it is because I am interested in knowing the ways people operate and what they think is moral, or what they think they can get away with (both the people I hear it from and the people involved). There are really very few ways of knowing the private, inner lives of other people. It troubles me, because I would be so into hivemind. Anyway I am nosy, but I will not judge you! I promise. So, tell me your secrets and stuff. (I think I would make a good psychologist, but on the other hand, I couldn't help you with your problems.) Last weekend I was attacked by a huge smelly drunken man on the street who slurred something like "BABY, I'd never hurt you..." and spread his arms out and tried to block me from walking down the sidewalk. I think I ran right into his belly. Anyway, I am pretty much a scaredy cat so I put my head down, didn't say anything, and tried to run around him, but he kept moving to block me, until misha came up and saved the day by rescuing me and telling the man to go away. MY HERO!!!! MELLLLLTTT. But really, this incident taught me that I need to carry a switchblade. Please smuggle me one. (ATTN: FBI AND COPS: JUST KIDDING!!! ;) WINKIES!!!) Mother nature is beginning to thaw and smell in New Jersey. In other news, I am so excited about the imminent comeback of Macauly Culkin.
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