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I found out recently that my exboyfriend is joining the army and marrying his controlling bitchy girlfriend. So what is the first thing I do? Do I try to talk him out of it? No, I send an email to an old friend who also shared a crush on Bernie and chide him for not turning Bernie gay like he should have and almost did. (you see, women kill mens souls dead.) He said: "Thanks for much for reminding me of my lust for [Bernie]! What a treat. There went my afternoon. What the hell is going on with him? The army? Marriage? What happened to him? Last time I saw him, he made me listen to this album called "Fuck You, This is Rice" a punk album all about rice. This is the [Bernie] I remember." AWWWW. it is the bernie i remember too! HAHAHAH!!! Fuck you this is rice!!!! I never got to hear that album. It sounds fantastic!!!! For some reason, i remember a lot of people as cartoon characters, and this album title helps immeasurably. i think of bernie as a short mohawked mexican boy looking like he was in Nintendo, jumping up and down like in Mario Brothers (THE ORIGINAL ONE, SUCKAHZ). he liked to kick things and break things, have "one man riots", and once he threw a big bread filled with hummous down the stairwell of a dorm. he was always exciting, THAT IS 4 SURE. The best was when he punched the can can, and hit a bottle instead of a can and it smashed and he had to get stitches in his knuckle!! HARDCORE!!!!! he had no money and convinced the medical technician at the hospital to not put antiseptic ointment on it. it saved him $50!!! HARDCORE EVEN MORE!!!!! but then his hand wilted off and left him with a stump, and he couldn't fufill his rock star dreams. Instead, he became a poet. A wanted criminal once gave him a prison-style tattoo while he was hiding out in a girl's dorm room at grinnell. It spelled out "unity", because i think he liked to do girls of all races in the buns. it makes me sad to hear of him being so domesticated. i hate how friends change, yet I see it is important that they do. it makes me sad how low-brow this entry is. if you want to think better of me, I listen to NPR every morning. I do!! And earlier this week it prompted a conversation about Lichtenstein and semantics and the role of language in society, and George W. Bush's legacy as showing how important word choice is (due to the stupidness of him calling the war a "Crusade" and also that subtle name change thing, where instead of "fetus" he wrote "unborn child", and now sooner or later abortions will probably be illegal again). GUESS WHAT: i am eating sushi tonite!! cheap and delicious sushi!!! PS: oh oh!! i meant to say i thought the childhood stories that people left in my guestbook were charming. i am currently planning Bill Cosby's next special, "Kids Say the Darnedest Things about Doin' It and Porking-Related Matters". Wait did Mr. Huxtible have a special phrase that he used for sex? Hands down my most hated sexual word is "snatch". My favorite is "honeybox".
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