Here is a story about my sister: one day she was sitting by her ex-boyfriend, and began picking at dry skin on her feet. He was oblivious. So she picked off a piece and put it on his bare knee and sang a little tune: "foot PICKINS". He was still oblivious. So she began to create a little pile on his bare knee, all the while singing "foot PICKINS". And finally he noticed, and was aghast. THE END.

Bill did not refer to me as hot. He obviously knew I would make a big deal of this. BILL I AM CRUSHED. I FEEL LIKE DUCKY IN PRETTY IN PINK, WHERE HE WAS THE GOOD PAL BUT LOST IN THE END TO THE SPARKLING MOVIE STAR FACE OF MR. ANDREW MCCARTHY. BUT WHAT DID HE LOSE IN THE END, REALLY? HE LOST THE LOVE OF A WOMAN WHO COULD NEVER TRULY LOVE HIM, BECAUSE HER HEART WAS STAINED WITH NARCISSISM AND SHALLOWNESS. DESPITE THE FACT THAT SHE WORKED IN A COOL RECORD STORE AND MADE HER OWN PARTY DRESS, SHE WAS REALLY JUST A FLAMECROTCHED MEANIE. SO IN THE END, MAYBE DUCKY, THE OPPOSITE-GENDER-PAL, REALLY DID WIN. SO, IN CLOSING, THE END.

I have adopted "hot" as my new "it" word. The "it" word of the season!! Or actually, more like my life. I attempt to throw people off balance by demanding of them if I am hot. Sometimes they stutter. The best is my mom. She will say "oh, you are looking really nice today" and I will ask her "am I hot?" and then she does not know what to say. It is really pretty rude of me. I really don't mean those sexual connotations!! Well maybe I do. I freaked my dad out by refering to "hot mens" and "Puerto Rican hotties". "Hotties" and "hot mens", I think those were the phrases that freaked him out particularly. Those are just a few of the instances where I use the word hot. Try it!

DId you ever play Konky and Pee-Wee in grade school, and make up a word and then scream real loud whenever someone used it during the day? I loved being Konky. THe Pee-Wee Herman Christmas Special was the first time I ever saw k.d. lang, and boy was I a confused little 7 year old after that.

I have an office all to myself at work now, for a month. I feel conspicuous surfing the internet all day because people in the hallway can see my guilty reflection in the glass window of the office!! So I will work my butt to the core, writin' and writin' technical shit. Actually I haven't written anything new in a while. When I was heavily involved in writing the "Technical Manual", the main user document for our networking services, it consumed my brain. I had these weird sex dreams where I was a man approaching a sleeping woman, and I kept thinking these panicky thoughts about "OH NO!!! I have to open port 50 in her firewall to get inside her!!!" (pronounce it "get inside ha!!!", in your best haggard old man voice) And then it would all be stuff about plugs and plugging stuff into things, and other stuff. It was the firewall stuff that really cracked me up when I woke up the next morning. Do you know what firewalls are? No? Only intelligencia, like me, know it. You are excluded.

Mon ami Bryan once invented the incredible word "pirattati", used to indicate the high class pirate sophisticate.