The background music from the movie Pay It Forward sounds suspiciously like the background music from American Beauty. I have this theory that Kevin Spacey goes up to the director he's working with on every movie and is all "Hey dude, I've got this AWESOME mix tape you just HAVE to hear..." That's pretty funny, huh?

I have a strange rash on my neck. It looks like an attacker grabbed at my throat with a poison ivy hand!! I am wondering what this is. Maybe I have Lupus, and it's just very confused.

At work, there are lots of those flying ant things. They are so gross because they are all thin and pearlescent and sinuous, and they really can't fly all that well so they often just THUNK onto the papers on my desk. Ugh. I think they are mating behind the maps hanging on the wall right in front of my desk, because I heard the paper a-knockin' all day. Jen told me they only really live one day unless they mate, so they have to mate really quickly. They only live one day because I like to stomps em all. Robin is picking out new carpet at work, and asked my opinion. I told her that I don't really care, as long as it's bug stain proof. Lots of men in the office made women jokes when they saw us looking at samples. Robin is getting a divorce, and made out with the carpet man at the carpet store. Right on the carpets!! I find that really amusing. It's like, he's in the perfect line of work to get the ladies on the job. THere is carpet right there for them to lay on! It could only be better if he was a mattress salesman, or a couch salesman, or an S&M dungeon equipment salesman.

I am too lazy to link directly to find it again to link directly to it, but the thing that Lilah wrote about fifth grade and those weird girls made me think of my own weird childhood. I think now I would totally be more apt to go outside and create an arsenal out of sticks than I would have been in middle school, but I still cringe when I think about how I played Dungeons and Dragons in the lunch room in 7th grade!!! What a nightmare. I was a total escapist, until I realized the power of humungous breasts my senior year of high school. Actually, that is not really it, but in the middle of high school I did suddenly have this pang of realization of how other people thought and saw me--it was like I didn't realize I could be seen like I saw other people, I felt very blank and like a collector of other people's thoughts (read "The Carpathians" by Janet Frame). And after that pang, I became all cool and stuff. Is this making any sense? The pang was like "Kate, you are not only a human being, but a person. Act on it!" It was like one of those motivational speakers they bring in high school, only it was my own head speaking to me. I am ok. My problem still lies in how people can treat people like I was with such contempt for being geeky. I used to never understand it, because I really really hate the lack of sympathy and empathy in the world (as Morrissey says, "it's so easy to laugh, it's so easy to hate, it takes strength to be gentle and kind". I AM STRONG IN MY HEART LIKE THE ROCK IS IN HIS MUSCLES, ESPECIALLY HIS LARGE MUSCULAR NECK.). Now I am seeing, well, it is not fun to hang around with people like that, and they just cling to you anyway and sort of bring down your own life! So maybe contempt for them, like you would have contempt for a bedraggled cringing dog in the gutter. Well, characters in books always have contempt for creatures like that. Me, I love them to pieces. So, this is basically pointless. But what I mean to say is, is contempt or no contempt right? Are you a person in this world or just a human being? Is it right to be either one? Is it OK to be quiet? Am I a hot piece of ass or what?

I am a good philosopher.